Why You’re Not Sleeping (and what to do about it)
Written by a therapist who helps men, teens, and adults get out of their own heads at night
Let’s be honest—lying awake at night while your brain runs a marathon is exhausting and unproductive.
Whether you’re a guy trying to keep it all together, a teen who can’t shut off after scrolling, or just a stressed-out adult who used to sleep fine before life got complicated—poor sleep can mess with everything.
I work with a lot of men, teens, and adults, and sleep is one of the most common problems people bring up. Either they can’t fall asleep, they wake up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep, or they just never feel rested.
So, what’s going on—and how can you actually start sleeping better?
First, let’s explore what might be keeping you up
Here are a few common culprits of sleeplessness (what looks familiar to you?):
Overthinking: You lie down, and suddenly your brain decides it’s the perfect time to rehash that awkward conversation from three years ago or plan your entire week.
Too Much action, too late: Phones, tablets, TVs—blue light messes with melatonin, the hormone that helps you feel sleepy. Action moves and endless scrolling are tools of distraction- but our bodies are left feeling activated in a way that prevents rest and relaxation.
Poor Sleep Habits (aka Sleep Hygiene): You might be unknowingly sabotaging your sleep with things like caffeine too late in the day, alcohol, random bedtimes, or working from bed.
Stress and Anxiety: This one’s big. If you’re carrying mental or emotional weight, sleep is usually one of the first things to suffer.
What You Can Actually Do
Here’s where we get practical. There’s no one-size-fits-all fix, but some tried-and-true habits (called sleep hygiene) can make a big difference.
Start with these:
Consistent Bedtime and Wake Time
Your body loves routine—even on weekends. Try going to bed and waking up around the same time each day.Create a Wind-Down Routine
Give your brain a signal that it’s time to chill. This can look like developing a routine that you can transition to as an “off-ramp” from the day 30-60 minutes before bed time. Routines like: reading, stretching, journaling, or listening to calming music can give your body and brain the signal it needs to transition to a restful state. Just ditching the screens an hour before you want to fall asleep might be beneficial!Make Your Bedroom a Sleep-Only Zone
Try not to work, eat, or scroll in bed. Your brain should associate your bed with sleep (and intimacy, perhaps?).Watch the Caffeine and Alcohol
Caffeine stays in your system longer than you think. Try to cut off by early afternoon. Alcohol might make you sleepy, but it usually leads to poor quality sleep and waking up at 3 a.m.Write It Down
If your mind races at night, try a “brain dump” journal. Write down everything on your mind before bed to help get it out of your head. Now it lives, rent free, somewhere else.Practice Some Mindfulness or Breathing
Lay down, relax and take your focus off of all the things you are tracking. 5-10 minutes of formal mindfulness practice before bed, some deep mindful breaths as you lay or a body scan can help you shift towards relaxation and sleep. Apps like Insight Timer or Headspace offer short breathing or meditation sessions that can help settle your nervous system. You can also find “guided mindfulness for sleep” tracks on iTunes or Spotify.
For a deep dive, check out this excellent Sleep Hygiene Guide from the Sleep Foundation.
The Bigger Picture: Mental Health and Sleep
If your sleep issues have been going on for a while, there may be deeper emotional stuff at play—stress, anxiety, grief, burnout, even trauma. Therapy can help you get to the root of it and untangle what’s keeping your nervous system stuck in overdrive.
A helpful concept I often talk about with clients is Dr. Dan Siegel’s “Healthy Mind Platter.” It’s a simple, science-based way to look at mental wellness through seven types of activities your brain needs—like sleep, play time, down time, connecting with others, and focused time. Sleep is one of the core pillars.
You can check it out here: Dan Siegel’s Healthy Mind Platter
It’s a great way to take stock of your daily life and ask: Am I giving my brain what it actually needs to function and rest?
Final Thought
Here’s the thing—if you’re struggling with sleep, you’re not alone. And no, you’re not broken. Whether you’re a high schooler staying up till 2 a.m., a dad running on fumes, or someone who’s just stuck in a pattern, it’s fixable.
Start with the basics. Be patient. Get curious about what your mind is doing when the lights go out. And if you need help sorting it out, therapy’s a great place to start.
You deserve to sleep well—and feel like yourself again.
Want more tools for better sleep and mental clarity? Feel free to reach out or check out more resources on this blog. Sleep doesn’t have to be a mystery—it just takes some strategy.
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Why You’re Not Sleeping (and What to Do About It)
By a therapist in Whitefish who helps men, teens, and adults get out of their own heads at night
Let’s be honest—lying awake at night while your brain runs a marathon is exhausting in every way. Whether you’re a guy trying to keep it all together, a teen who can’t shut off after scrolling, or just a stressed-out adult who used to sleep fine before life got complicated—poor sleep messes with everything.
I work with a lot of men, teens, and adults here in Whitefish, and sleep is one of the most common problems people bring up. Either they can’t fall asleep, they wake up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep, or they just never feel rested.
So, what’s going on—and how can you actually start sleeping better?
First, Let’s Talk About What Might Be Keeping You Up
Here are a few common culprits I see all the time:
Overthinking: You lie down, and suddenly your brain decides it’s the perfect time to rehash that awkward conversation from three years ago or plan your entire week.
Too Much Screen Time: Phones, tablets, TVs—blue light messes with melatonin, the hormone that helps you feel sleepy.
Poor Sleep Habits (aka Sleep Hygiene): You might be unknowingly sabotaging your sleep with things like caffeine too late in the day, random bedtimes, or working from bed.
Stress and Anxiety: This one’s big. If you’re carrying mental or emotional weight, sleep is usually one of the first things to suffer.
What You Can Actually Do
Here’s where we get practical. There’s no one-size-fits-all fix, but some tried-and-true habits (called sleep hygiene) can make a big difference.
Start with these:
Consistent Bedtime and Wake Time
Your body loves routine—even on weekends. Try going to bed and waking up around the same time each day.Create a Wind-Down Routine
Give your brain a signal that it’s time to chill. This might be reading, stretching, journaling, or listening to calming music. Just ditch the screens at least 30–60 minutes before bed.Make Your Bedroom a Sleep-Only Zone
Try not to work, eat, or scroll in bed. Your brain should associate bed with sleep only.Watch the Caffeine and Alcohol
Caffeine stays in your system longer than you think. Try to cut off by early afternoon. And while alcohol might make you sleepy, it usually leads to poor quality sleep and waking up at 3 a.m.Write It Down
If your mind races at night, try a “brain dump” journal. Write down everything on your mind before bed to help get it out of your head.Practice Some Mindfulness or Breathing
Apps like Insight Timer or Headspace offer short breathing or meditation sessions that can help settle your nervous system.
For a deeper look at improving sleep habits, check out this helpful Sleep Hygiene Guide from the Sleep Foundation.
The Bigger Picture: Mental Health and Sleep
If your sleep issues have been going on for a while, there may be deeper emotional stuff at play—stress, anxiety, grief, burnout, even trauma. Working with a therapist can help you get to the root of it and untangle what’s keeping your nervous system stuck in overdrive.
One concept I often talk about with clients is Dr. Dan Siegel’s “Healthy Mind Platter.” It’s a science-based way to look at mental wellness through seven types of activities your brain needs—like sleep, play time, down time, connecting with others, and focused time. Sleep is one of the core pillars.
You can check it out here: Dan Siegel’s Healthy Mind Platter
It’s a great way to take stock of your daily life and ask: Am I giving my brain what it actually needs to function and rest?
Final Thought
Here’s the thing—if you’re struggling with sleep, you’re not alone. And no, you’re not broken. Whether you’re a high schooler staying up till 2 a.m., a dad running on fumes, or someone who’s just stuck in a pattern, it’s fixable.
Start with the basics. Be patient. Get curious about what your mind is doing when the lights go out. And if you need help sorting it out, therapy’s a great place to start.
As a therapist in Whitefish, I’ve helped many clients make small, steady changes that lead to big shifts in how they sleep and feel. You don’t have to tough it out alone.
Want more tools for better sleep and mental clarity? Feel free to reach out or check out more resources on this blog. Sleep doesn’t have to be a mystery—it just takes some strategy
